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booraadley
23 December 2008 @ 02:31 pm
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?


Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration,
as a chicken which has the daring and courage to
boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom
among them has the strength to contend with such a
paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the
princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its
pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered
within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and
each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial
intent can never be discerned, because structuralism
is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road
gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a
fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while
believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at
this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the
objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came
into being which caused the actualization of this
potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-
nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic,
unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt
such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from
the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably the chicken
availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow
out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Othello: Jealousy.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have,
you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the
Need to resist such a public Display of your own
lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Mrs Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning.

Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in
town ought never expose one to such barbarous
inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a
road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the
chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade
insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome,
filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume
to question the actions of one in all respects his
superior.

Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.

Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of
misplaced concreteness.

Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)

Hamlet: That is not the question.

Donne: It crosseth for thee.

Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.

Constable: To get a better view.





http://philosophy.eserver.org/chicken.txt
 
 
booraadley
13 November 2008 @ 01:29 am


Most inspirational role model.
 
 
booraadley
17 July 2008 @ 02:44 am
I'm going to invade the privacy of the world with a 1000 lead soldiers that build houses out of cow dung and then pronounce that the cure for AIDs lives in the house where polygamous brides witter on about the benefits of holding onto concepts rather than hearts.

Or not?

Wait, I think I added something else to the Tribal Wives mix.

What is this July 17th? I am nearly in December before I am in August.

I have to write 250 words on why I sparkle like a shard of glass, puncturing tyres.

What makes a person 'outstanding'?

I'm not sure I know what the word outstanding 'stands' for. Who are its friends. Where was it born? Contextual relevance I know not you.

'I am outstanding like.. a library book fine from 2007"

I got a letter about owing my old college a library book. I looked at the post mark and it said 'May 2007'.

Royal Mail are improving delivery rates I see.
 
 
booraadley
14 December 2007 @ 12:24 am
Cha nah nah. It's the week of the crusty nose. My immune system has taken a sharp kick up the wotsit since starting the whole educational hardcore thing. I am so happy the holidays are here. I'm so going to burn things and stare at paintings. The sum IS greater than the parts. This has recently hit me over the head with a watering can.

I managed to miss a heart & kidney dissection practical today because the Victoria line was rubbish. I sat with an also late classmate in the cafeteria whilst trying to summarise a critique of Steven Pinker's view of evolutionary psych. We laughed so damn hard and to be honest I don't even know what about. It was one of those surreal extended periods where everything was funny - oh look, a person! ahahhahah that kind of thing.

I haven't laughed like that since man landed on the moon.

Yesterday, I went all the way to Tottenham Hale and... there's a point you reach on the northern line after which you venture into another dimension. Perhaps it's called North London. King's Cross felt like home relative to that place!

In other news, my small talk with the newsagent downstairs has recently gotten more interesting: I have added 'Arrrrgh! It is so cold' to our witty dialogues.

Tis very cold however!
 
 
booraadley
25 November 2007 @ 01:10 am
I'm beginning to remember I have a face. It is looking scary. The whole taking care of my appearance thing has just.. slipped. I mean, let's face it- I've never been outrageously out there smokin' hot. Kinda clean and a bit sparkly.. but sheesh... On Friday I actually put some eye shadow on again after a 6 month hiatus and I felt better. I behaved like a nice person and laughed a lot. I can't figure out if I'm shallow or just human. Should I beat myself with a stick or smother more war paint on my face just so I can treat people better. Hell, if it rains my facade will be washed away and I may punch someone. Should I take the risk?

In other news, I no longer want to put down my class mates. The whole hanging out with people thing. I'm starting to re-learn what the hell THAT is all about.

I am also really confused. I went to a 'better' university before, and yet wasn't bombarded with the amount of work I have to do now. Flippin heck, switching between biological science => social science components of the course is one hell of a mind flip for me. I'd say that Physiology and Anatomy = interesting and Cell Science = headache (although for cell science, some of the lectures have been taken by an entertaining lecturer who made me get up and 'dance'.. I dunno.. I think I was supposed to be a molecule of AMP or something.)

And hell, why didn't anyone tell me that psychology = learning a bunch of quotes. I thought, I'd understand people.. myself better. I understand how to buy cheap psych books on ebay better, but worryingly not much else. Social psychology seems more irritating than developmental. No-one can fucking prove anything. I find myself agreeing then disagreeing with my critique.. someone else's critique.. a critique's critique. Woohaa.

I'm curious about Cognitive psych which I will have thrown at me after Christmas.

This year I have to do 3hrs of Psych research participation. On Wednesday I participated in a trial for a cognitive psych experiment. I can't be bothered to explain what i did. It was one of those tedious, click click click.. clickity click computer tasks to suss left brain/ right brain activity I guess. I think I'll be sent my results.. soon?

What I appreciate now is that many of us are pulling together as a group and helping eachother to understand concepts. That's pretty valuable. I walked into uni thinking I was like a bit of cigarette ash floating in a glass of fizzy water.. but .. um I'm not. The water is flat.. no.. that's not it.

There's a lot of ash everywhere. A confederation of ashy people.

Ok no. This isn't working. I'll shut up.

I can't wait for the holidays! I plan on getting pregnant at an office party just to be like everyone else. I love regrets.

 
 
 
booraadley
11 November 2007 @ 03:22 am
Man, cell science was nuts. We spent 4 hours stabbing beetroots and boiling/poisoning them using acetone and methanol (cell membrane related).

I was so amazingly shattered on Thur morning as I had been attempting to finish my aggression essay for social psych the night (morning!) before. That day was manic. I rushed home after cell science prac. to fine tune the mess that was my essay and ended up running out (waaay later than I should have) at break-neck speed for the bus to get me to Brixton => Oxford Circus => Campus Office. By the time I got to Oxford Circus station it was p-i-sssing it down. My hair was all stuck to my face within 30 secs. I had to ring a classmate because I was seriously lost and couldn't find the campus office in the dark. I have to say that she has to be one of the kindest people I've ever met. She ran out in the pouring rain when she herself had minutes to upload her essay online (to the plagiarism detection site)and having caught sight of me, pointed me in the right direction... then ran back to do her thing.

Damn. I am not used to seemingly random acts of kindness. It reminds the organ that pumps blood around my body that sometimes people are pretty amazing... and most of the time I am not. Yoush. It's good to feel supported and to be supportive. I owe her a cake. No wait- we joined the gym together. I owe her hours in the gym...? Yea, I'm getting all pear shaped again. It's a good idea.

By Fri I was a zombie. 9 am - 1pm lecture. I had to resort to the pinch and slap myself at regular intervals method, to stay awake. By the time it was time for Anatomy (this week's topic was Reproduction) MY EYES WERE ROLLING AROUND. One of my classmates D. cracked me up though... he joined the uni karate group (he's been studying karate with another group for years) and he said the sparring sessions at uni were vicious. Having been smacked around a few times in a manner that he was just not accustomed to - D. punched the guy in the face, to which the guy replied "You're not allowed to do that". "Oh" replied D.

That and the tale of D. nearly getting mugged but managing to tackle his attacker to the ground - at which point the would-be mugger shouted out, "Don't hurt me I have a heart condition!".

PRICELESS.
 
 
booraadley
02 November 2007 @ 01:01 am
It's really awesome hanging with people who say the most stupid things. It makes me feel all big and clever. Then bored. Then depressed. Awesome I tell you!

A few people in my class have personalities that are all gluey, stretchy and lurid. Talking or should I say listening to them kinda feels like my favourite experience of all time- pulling off bubble gum that's gotten stuck in all the wrong places (there, there and there).

What is with hyper in-ya-face assertiveness over... perfume or some other signature something or other that defines their being? Maybe I should just print out 5000 'you are what you buy t-shirts'. Really cement the issue into people's consciousnesses (is that even a word?).

Does what you like to buy = who you are.

Not a day passes by without someone mentioning something about the way I dress. I want to press the mute button when the inevitable 'is that a new neck brace your wearing.. etc' comes up. No it's not new. But it's clean. So that works, right?

Then comes the dodgy analysis. Someone asked me if I have an obsession with trainers. I replied that I didn't have a trainer fetish or anything, they're just comfortable..

Actually I noticed this first time round at uni. People cemented their sense of selves by bullshitting about their passions e.g. 'I LOVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEE badges' or something equally contrived.

The most insightful comment I heard today was'you look like you work on a ranch'.

I bit my tongue but I was so thinking... 'That's great because you talk like you were reared on one'.

I'm not completely anti-social- seriously I'm not, but I had my fair share of feigning joy when I worked H&B and it mutilated my soul and castrated me 5 times over. So when someone WANTS me to be happy and seems to resent the fact that I don't share an interest in the things they're attracted to.. I kind of don't pretend that they bore me. I used to pretend super well. Now it's a case of why bother?

I noticed one classmate talking disdainfully about another who 'keeps himself to himself'. Some people seem to resent subtle displays independence.

I feel a bit yeeuch towards the constant 'let's meet up and discuss how little I know' meetings. I don't want to have to explain anything to anyone when it's in the preliminery mind stages. The stronger personalities dislike the subtle, they value direct black and white facts and like to hold vocal display ceremonies over what they know.

I got asked what my A' Levels were and after telling the others, the esp assertive girl told me to stop mid-setence basically because I was better qualified that her. I resent that shit. (I keep having to remind myself... these are 18 year olds, they'll grow up..).

And the whole spending hours on mobile phones talking to people when you're sitting with other people seems inappropriate.

Age gap is being well and truly noticed.

Like I said - awesome.

;)
 
 
booraadley
14 May 2007 @ 11:27 pm
Questions

I want to see the world outside but other people scare me?
When I look outside my window, all I see are people driving past in cars.

Why do they do this everything will becomes a blur!?

FATWA OF THE DAY: Why not just drink heavily, same effect.


Is it possible to create a computer virus that could blow up your computer?

NON-IDENTICAL TWIN FATWA OF THE DAY: no i dont thinkso unless your computer has a bomb in it that is connected to teh computer in some way
 
 
booraadley
02 May 2007 @ 09:58 pm
I just had a light bulb moment.

I think the only reason I trust anything ever built in this world is because I'm so arrogant that I can't see why the building would ever not want to divulge its structural secrets to me... like the fact it may have no fire exits, or that there's a leak in the ceiling that will spread and make the whole floor above fall on my head.

The architectural masterpiece may actually keep tight lipped about it all and then advertise itself in the gay property buyers' gazette May/ June 2007.

Someone else's problem then I guess (if it doesn't collapse and send me to St. Georges')
 
 
booraadley
21 April 2007 @ 07:39 pm
I've decided to change my name to boofaadley. I like fads only with an extra a.

I am undergoing a rebirth. I'm making a mess everywhere but don't worry it'll dry.

http://boofaadley.livejournal.com/